Fragmentary Life

Stupid Stuff

Don’t do stupid stuff. Own and apologize for the stupid stuff you’ve done. Don’t use the stupid stuff you’ve already done to justify doing more stupid stuff. Don’t use the stupid stuff that others have done to justify doing more stupid stuff. Don’t judge others by the stupid stuff they’ve done, because you’ve done equally…

Notice

Notice how the older people in your life tend to go silent as they age. Not because they have nothing to say. But because they no longer live simply to be heard.

Model for Life

I’ve tried out a few models for life in my 57 years. Some dictated by tradition, some by religion, some by the preferences and opinions of stronger personalities in my life who I looked up to or feared as the case may be. I’m still trying new things, but one model I’ve rejected is charting…

Enough

We often rail against the seemingly unreasonable expectations of others when really it’s our own expectations that are crushing us. The best gift we can give ourselves is to release our expectations as to what is going to happen in the next five minutes, much less the next five years—expectations of what others are going…

Must Begin

Love must begin with respect. Two people cannot move forward merely tolerating each other’s differences and looking down on each other as ignorant idiots who can’t see past the noses on your faces. No relationship can survive that. Neither can a country. There must be mutual respect for the genuine value that others bring to…

Most Dangerous Person

The person who flatters you and tells you what a fantastic job you’re doing is possibly the most dangerous person in your life.

Who You Really Are

The best test of who you really are is your internal response when something bad happens to someone you dislike or disagree with.

Good Soil

I gave up on the garden idea this year and have just tried to keep the weeds at bay and the birds happy. Then I realized some plants were growing from the seeds I put out for the birds—not in places where I would have planted them but in walkways and in tight corners against…

Reality

Reality exists somewhere between nothing is my fault and everything is my fault.

It’s Enough

Mother’s Day posts are often a litany of the expectations mothers try and fail to live up to every day. Most mothers I know don’t set out to be heroes—I know mine didn’t (but she was one anyway). Most of us simply set out to survive. Two of my babies are mothers now. They’re deep…

Can’t Know

We can’t know young people or assess their potential by looking at their grades or by sizing up their music or clothing or what they do on Friday nights. We can’t predict their futures by looking at their pasts. We can’t tell their motives by looking at their friends. We can’t pick out who will…

Beautiful Response

Stories of incredible suffering can be beautiful in hindsight, not because of the suffering but because of the beautiful response.