Anniversary

My husband and I are staring down our 30th anniversary. Things we’ve learned… Listen more than you speak. Give more than you take. Smile more than you frown. Manage thoughts and expectations (mostly your own). Recognize the value in each other and speak of it often to others. Acknowledge the probability that others are giving…

Mothers

There’s a saying that I think is largely true for many of us—that you’re only ever as happy as your least happy child. I believe there’s another corollary—that children are only ever as happy as their mother or, as the case may be, the one who plays the maternal role in their lives. They can…

Freedom

A teaching colleague is in the hospital with Covid pneumonia. He’s high risk. He has a lot of life yet to live. What’s so insidious about this particular bug? How quickly it spreads and the fact that someone with no symptoms can quickly spread it to 20,000 unsuspecting people. I’m all for preserving and exercising…

Hijacked

When you let your beliefs hijack your neutrality in what data you select and how you interpret them, you’ve fallen victim to confirmation bias. To correct for it, err on the side of disconfirmation. Seek evidence that challenges your beliefs—and raise the burden of proof for evidence that affirms them. ~Adam Grant Many of the…

Amends

Forgive someone. Make amends. Recognize that you share many of the same challenges from different spaces. Acknowledge the value of their experience and perspective, even if they lack the capacity to value yours.

Every New Thing

There will always be demand for another new story. For another new song. For a new chord progression. For a new perspective. For a new sunrise. For a new sunset. For a new day. For a new in between. There is room for every new thing. Even while there’s a repeat of every old thing….

Do not think that you will find truth or justice in a court of law where two sides are equally interested in telling only part of the story. That is a last and often ill-advised resort. Whenever possible, resolve issues sooner and in more constructive ways. Whenever you hear someone say, “The evidence says…,” or…

Rare But Never Wrong

We always have the freedom to treat others well—employees, customers, clients, contractors, vendors, colleagues and strangers we meet on the street. It’s never wrong to treat people with respect, regardless of status or circumstances—ours or theirs. It is never wrong to be kind, even in the face of disagreement or communication breakdown. These things are…

One Up

Years ago in a law school mediation class, I learned that what people desire more than anything else is to be heard. It is a prerequisite to negotiation that leads to outcomes recognized as mutually beneficial, even when both give something up. It’s a prerequisite to healing and moving forward in a positive direction. Hearing…

Don’t Assume

If someone rejects your view or opinion, it’s worth trying to understand why. That requires listening and examining it from the outside. Don’t assume that rejection equates to misunderstanding. They may see a bigger picture than you do, or at least see something you miss.

Between Snores

Mark and I slept curled up together on a single-sized bench bed in my mother’s hospital room last night. We were up and down quite a bit with her in the night and fell into a deep sleep by morning when things finally settled down. Between snores, he murmured, “You know what this means, right?”…