I think there is a special kind of sadness and depression that comes from trying to be double-minded. Failing to be all in. Especially failing to be all in for good when you’ve come to know what good is.
Lukewarmness is its own punishment. To be principled and to have the capacity to act above and beyond your own selfish tendencies and desires, even while they remain, is to overcome the default. To be free. To rise above. To soar on eagle’s wings.